Allowance

I am sorry you will have to make allowances for me. It seems that the times when I request that come more and more frequently. I withdraw and people think I am being rude or at least the ones who don’t know me.

It is easy to ask others to make allowances. It is hard for me to grant to me the same tolerance. I wonder why am I so apathetic? Why don’t I have any energy? What good is an excuse if it doesn’t make you feel better.

I go to sleep each evening hoping that I will sleep at least twelve hours so I only have another twelve hours to tolerate till sleep comes my way again.

Creativity? What is that?

Joy? What is that?

Sadness? What is that?

All I know is this dull stupor that floats above the fear that makes my heart seem to beat extra loud. And I have no excuse. I make no allowances or grant me tolerance because I am ill. It is hard to explain to people that you are ill but it is not physical. I have mostly quit trying to explain but when in the deep well where affect is only an affectation I find myself wanting someone to understand even if it is just me.

Hair Trigger

It is difficult sometimes to recognize when one is going to change directions in life. Oh sure there are little signs and big signs that trigger a realization that life is about to change and in a dramatic way. My biggest sign I call my hair trigger. When I am getting ready to change directions in life I change my hair color or hair style. If it is a really big change, I will change both.


I have been doing this for more than fifty years. Of course it wasn’t till about 30 years ago that I realized what I was doing. Some way or another my unconscious mind would pick up that change was imminent and there would go my hair trigger.


I liked it better when I was a teenager because I could act out my inner world through my outer world with dark rich colors like black which sure as hell doesn’t work when one begins to wrinkle and grow older. Darker hair shows the flaws in one’s skin and the wrinkles are much more evident. So I have slowed down or moderated my hair trigger in respect to those who have to look at me.


The times of sadness were indicated by making my hair some shade of brown, usually mousy and conservative. This did not usually last long as it is very boring. You might call it a transitional move between states of expression.


When my mother was dying I colored my hair blond and as therapy after she passed when I had began to loose my hair from the stress I would go to the hair stylist once a week. Expensive? Yes. But cheaper than therapy and works just as well.


But now my hair trigger has struck again and I am a red head. Well sort of, I kind of screwed it up and it became burgundy or as my husband said I have purple hair. So energy permitting and realizing it is time to move on, I have a rick dark auburn ready to apply.


You know it is rather interesting to have a bio-feedback system that is a hair trigger.

Rising Again

One has to fall before one can rise again. The fear always lays beneath the surface of someone who suffers from bi-polar disease, sometimes called manic-depression. The highs are amazing like having an endorphin rush from brain created cocaine. The popular misconception is that the lows are not the blues and being sad, it is being in a state of total flatness of affect. This mental illness has the potential to be a terminal disease. The danger is not in the flat state but when one is rising from the flatness and more energy is being released by the brain. It is this time of rising from the flatness that the greatest potential for suicide exists. It takes energy to kill oneself.

Another misconception is that mania is euphoric, happy and overly-optimistic. In fact, mania can be expressed in anger, rage, and extremely self-destructive agitation. As the mania peaks individuals can put themselves in jeopardy by doing acts that can be seen as totally logical in this mind-set but end up creating stress for family and self in the aftermath of a manic episode. Driving recklessly often ends up with accidents as one thinks one is invincible. Spending with no idea or realization that one is building up bills that one will not be able to handle. Taking on projects with grandiose ideas that often beyond the scope of one’s abilities may often create failure after failure when the spiral begins a downward curve.

In some cases people with mood disorders may also have delusions. In this case there will be hallucinations that can be aural or visual. Paranoia can become an extreme also when one has feelings that seem to suggest that others propose a threat.

One of the most difficult aspects of the disorder to deal with is rumination. In this state the mind gets caught up with an idea and it just keeps going around in circles unable to detach self from the thought. The rushing mind is receiving to much data and starts grasping on an idea to try and quiet the mind by going round and round in circles about one idea. It could be either positive or negative.

Often these periods of mood shifts can be over a long period of time. Then there can be fast shifting of the polarization of moods even as quickly as fifteen minutes to half an hour. Lots of times there are periods of mood stabilization that reflects the normal mood shifts of the average person. But always underlying the psyche of the person who suffers from bi-polar disorder is the hope that the highs will return and the fear that the lows will return and knowing that both are real expectations throughout life.

Mood disorders are highly prevalent in creative people. In fact, research indicates that the link between mood disorders and creative arts are higher than in any other profession.

More than half , or 46 to 77% of writers, painters, and composers encountered periods of serious depression, at least twice the rate observed in persons in other fields. Mania appeared most often in actors, poets, architects, and nonfiction writers, with lifetime rates ranging from 11 to 17 percent. , whereas it is prevalent in only 1% of the general population

http://www.lorenbennett.org/creativity.htm

The Journey of Vasa Stone -- Part 1

In the Beginning...

Vasa cowered behind the tall wing back chair in the living room. She could hardly keep her sobbing quiet she hurt so badly. She knew her daddy loved her. Why would he hurt her? What had she done wrong that made the police come and take her daddy away?

It would be many years before Vasa was able to live and cope with the events that had shattered her life and her reality. Her mother would not talk to her about what was wrong. She just said your father is pervert and that is why the police took him away and he will not be free for a long, long time. For some reason the hate in her mother’s eyes when she said this made Vasa realize that she knew that Vasa was the one who caused her father to lose his freedom.

It was about the time that her father left and was sent to prison that Vasa begin to have increasing visions that she did not feel were a part of this world. She would hear voices in her head and, after awhile she realized that God was talking to her. God was not always directly speaking to her sometimes he would allow others to give her messages that were perceived as dead people and angels and other messengers. At night she would wake up and could not move. Her body was paralyzed and demons tried to pull her soul out of her body but she recognized that now she was one of God’s chosen and she could fight these demons and evil spirits and help the world.

As she reached her teen years, she was told by her mother that her father had raped the daughter of the warden of the prison and would not be coming home at all. At that moment the tender hold that Vasa had on reality begin to slowly slip into the world of visions and voices from God. Sometimes she would appear totally normal to those around her at other times she appeared to be connected to another world. It was hard to understand why sometimes she would talk so rationally and then unpredictably say something totally strange. However, she managed to graduate from high school and went on to study and to become a psychiatric nurse. Perhaps her studies were to help her cope with her own madness or perhaps it was the wounded child deep inside her that needed protected that led her to help others. She knew that she was to help people but she felt that she had a greater destiny.

Dream

Dreaming

Dreaming sets us free. Dreams are free flowing and allow us to expand our possibilities in infinite ways. When we follow our dreams we do not need goals. Our minds have an amazing ability to create opportunities if we get out of the way and give up control for manifestation to the universe.

Belief in our dreams takes them from the realm of possibilities and into the realm of probabilities.

Resolutions and promises seldom work. We get side tracked by life but if we have a dream and make it lucid and alive during every hour, we will not miss opportunities to make it manifest. When we become the manifestation of our dreams we become lucky.

Yes dreams make us lucky. In every one’s life opportunities manifest all the time. However, if we do not believe that our dreams can be reality, we miss lucky chances. Luck is the willingness to take action when a living dream prompts us to notice signs in our reality.

Has something sidetracked you from believing in you and your dreams?

You can recapture them.

Each day remember you are the dream being manifested.

Each day bless you for having the ability to dream and manifest your dreams into reality.

Find a friend or two with whom you can share your dreams and visions of your talents and abilities.

Meditate and visualize your dream as reality.

When one door appears to close stopping your dream being manifest, know that this is divine mind helping your make your dream manifest by opening another window and continue to believe in you and your dreams.

Find little things to remind you that you are the dream!

Each night bless your dream and sleep and remember to dream.

Remember no one’s dream is right for you except your dream.

No dream is too small or too big.

Dream Big. Dream Small. Just Dream.

When we focus on the mindless it opens up our mind to possibilities

A mind unchanged becomes very dirty

The glasgowgoddess

There is nothing that limits our possibilities like the prattle that
goes on in our minds about nothing, except worry.

Worry, ruminating, keeps us in a state of fear and accomplishes
nothing but to decrease our options as to how to handle an issue.

We have often heard the words: Let go and let God! That sounds like
a great idea and it probably works but how do we get to that point.

How do we stop our minds? How do we keep our focus off the problem
and on the solution? Often, we get so caught into thinking about
possibilities that we miss a great answer.

To let our deep mind work, we need to focus our monkey mind on
mindless activities.

The goal of meditation is simply to be at one with self and the
world/universe. We need to have the mind be simply still so that we
are relaxed, distressed, and rested in body, mind and spirit.

Some people just can't get meditation. They try all the relaxation
techniques, all the visualization techniques, twist into yoga poses,
and sit with legs crossed like a guru, but still the mind is full and
thoughts run through like a monkey playing in a banana tree.
All this mind activity keeps us in a box. And to come up with new
possibilities you have to let that monkey jump out of the box and do
some mindless games.

Here is a list to get you started.

Play Games

• I go to Pogo.com and I play bookworm. My mind cannot do
anything else but concentrate on the game when I am playing. It helps
my writing and I call it cross training. You would be amazed how it
improves access to my vocabulary when I am writing. I also play
Tumblebees and Word Whomp. My husband prefers games that focus on eye-
body coordination. Any of these computer games will help you get to a
mindless state and help you relax and let your deep mind work. I can
tell you that solitaire helped me many a day when I was caring for
mother and totally stressed out.

• If you have children, there is no better mindless activity
then throwing a ball, building with blocks, and so forth.

• Memory games are great. Many of the things we did in school
are mindless activities. Learning the alphabet, memorizing numbers
and actions – I still can't multiply past 7 times something without a
calculator -- counting backwards by 10s, doubling a number until you
can't do it again. I will share a secret. When my right nose is
stopped up I double numbers till I cannot go any further and it
clears up my right nose. Memory games are left brain and thus
activate the right side of the body and help bring balance back.

Some mindless spots on the internet for games:

http://www.tallmania.com/reflextester.html

http://www.tallmania.com/games.html

http://pogo.com

Fantasy

Fantasy is the ultimate mindless activity. Children do it all the
time and one of the ways we teach our children to become mindful is
to teach them the difference between dreams and reality. WOW! I
can't believe I just said that. In becoming possibility people we are
learning to unlearn this injustice that was done to us in our
childhood where dreams and magic became a no-no in order to survive
in the consensus reality. So if you choose to be a possibility person
(like you weren't born that way!). it is necessary to become child-
like in your approach to the world and your reality.

Imagination is the key to using fantasy. However, training one to
have positive fantasies is the most important part of this mindless
activity.

Some positive fantasies

• Imagine that you are the wealthiest person in the world.
Pretend that you can afford anything in the world without the least
worry about cost.

• Imagine that you receive an inheritance of $100,000 and you
have to spend every last dime before next month or you will lose it
all.

• Imagine that you have been selected for a major award. Give
your acceptance speech and state why you so appreciate and deserve
this award.

• Imagine that you and your lover are on a beautiful island.
Let your imagination go wild until you are filled with passion.

• Imagine that your grandchildren have grown up and they come
to share with you their stories. Let your joy fill your heart as you
hear all kinds of wonderful and positive revelations.

• Imagine that you are sitting down to have a conversation with
your favorite deity. Let him or her explain to you the meaning of
life. Or, explain to him or her about your mission in life and how
happy you are to be able to do this. In fact, conversations with gods
are great for the soul and the mind.

Fantasy and imagination are one of the keys to changing our
perceptions and realities. There is no better use of mindlessness
than in the fantasy world, if you bring your feelings obtained in
fantasy and apply them to your life in a positive way.

Moving Mindlessness

There is only one way that movement or activity becomes mindless
behavior in a positive way is if you only concentrate on the
activity. Total concentration on what one is doing is the best way to
get out of the monkey mind.

• Do the dishes. When you do the dishes think only about how
clean they are becoming. Notice any spots or streaks. Don't do the
dishes and think about other things or you are just wasting your
time. Put them in the dishwasher or change to paper plates.

• Clean the house. When you clean the house use total
concentration on the task at hand. Watch the pattern that vacuum
makes as you pass it over the carpet. Become obsessed with the
streaks on the window. If you only concentrate on the job at hand
rather than letting your mind wander, you will reduce stress and
anxiety, and you will have a much cleaner house. Of course, one of
the reasons to use this in fostering mindlessness is that a study was
done where it was demonstrated that the only way a person could be
totally content and happy being a housekeeper was to have an IQ of 66
or less.

• Learn to play a musical instrument. Concentration of learning
the skills needed by practice will give you hours of mindless
activity and you will develop a great deal of pleasure as you become
more adept. Practice must always be focus. This applies to any skill
development from sports to dance to knitting. The only way these
activities will work is if you are totally focused when you do them.

• Surf the internet randomly and see where fate takes you. When
you go to http://google.com there are two buttons. Type in a keyword
and choose the button that says: I am feeling lucky. One of two
things will happen you will be amused at what shows up or you might
find the answer to your question. When I typed mindlessness into
google.com and pushed the button I came up with
http://www.workingpsychology.com/mindfl.html and read a fascinating
article about how the brain works in either a mindful or mindless
state. I had to force myself to come back to the task at hand
because I was so caught up in my little experiment.

Creating ways to still your mind is your greatest skill development
to become a fully functioning Possibility Person.

Become a Box Jumper

My last husband, Lee Jacobs, who has passed over was a magician. He
taught me a great deal about misdirection and how to give the
appearance of real magic – he was a conjuror of great tricks. He
taught me about how assistants would appear and disappear. The
criteria to become a box jumper included attractiveness, able to
divert attention with flourishes and moves, and to be very, very
short. Why short so they could fit into a box built into the bottom
of a magic effect. This includes such tricks as sawing a woman in
half or disappearing from a cage and so forth. I can't tell you
anymore because I was sworn to secrecy. However, the issue is the
magic could never have been done unless a woman or a tiger can move
undetected from one perceived reality to another.
When you jump out of your mind of logic into the mind of magic and
creative development, your possibilities will expand. Another way to
think of it is, you are coloring outside the lines.
When you go into a state of mindlessness and allow your deep mind to
work you will have those moments of epiphany. Out of the blue, ideas
will come to you that will help you solve an issue or expand your
awareness of who you are and what are your possibilities.

I am out of my mind, watch where you step.

There is no greater healing state of mindlessness than
laughter. Deep down to the belly have no reservations, laughing is
the great healer. Humor does not require thinking it requires
responding to the really dichotomies of life. The nonsensical often
leads us to the profound. This is where the monkey mind becomes a
help rather than a hindrance. Monkeys like to be amused for hours and
hours. Let your monkey mind be amused by jokes, funny movies, silly
stories, the antics of your co-workers, all in life that just is too
weird to be real. Learn to laugh and you will learn that there is
nothing so serious that time will not change your situation. You have
heard the saying "dead serious", well you need to get out of the
serious and lighten up into living seriously as if this were the only
moment you have. It is.