Psychic Vampires

Have you ever been in a relationship that starts out just feeling great but over time when you are with the person it just seems that one incident after another occurs that creates uproar or chaos and just leaves you feeling absolutely drained?

Have you ever met a person that is not happy unless they are creating problems and trouble for everyone. They carry gossip and share information that causes both the person who is hearing the information and the person being talked about to just feel depressed and dragged out?

Have you ever tried to break up with someone because you just are not getting good out of the relationship but constantly feel upset only to have that person stalk you in one way or another continuing to cause problems and uproar in your life?

Have you ever met a couple who decides to get divorce and uses their children to constantly create tension and unhappiness? They use the children to carry on the agony of the marriage long after the divorce is over. It might just be one member of the estranged couple or it could be both.

Have you ever worked in an office where one person seems to always be intent on create conflict between other employees. Or have you been the victim of someone like that who would make up stories about you and try to either get your fired or lose credibility with your employer?

The type of person that I am describing is an energy or psychic vampire. They don’t want to drink your blood like in an Anne Rice novel, they want to feed off the energy that is created in another person when trouble or conflict is created.

Sometimes they can appear very sympathetic and kind. They will hold your hand and say how horrible and have you share all the gory details of your trauma but instead of feeling better because of sharing your story, you feel drained and, in a strange way, used.

You would think all of us would be aware of being around such toxic people but that doesn’t always mean it is easy to escape. In fact if you have been involved in a romantic relationship especially with a psychic vampire it can be very hard to get away and to forgive and forget. If and by the time you are able to get out of such a dysfunctional relationship it can take months and sometimes years to heal yourself of the negative impact of such a relationship.

One of the reasons it is so hard to get over these kinds of relationships is because these people can make life exciting and energetic because they need the energy and if you are with them you could develop an addiction for the energy. In order to be with a psychic vampire and survive one learns to be an enabler and to sometimes even vicariously feed off the energy your self.

As I said some of these psychic vampires can be very non-threatening and even appear to be placid or very quiet. Some may appear to be aloof and detached. Some may be funny and have a cutting wit almost to the extent that every humorous thing is almost like a knife cutting to the bone of one’s vulnerability. Some may appear to be loving, sympathetic counselors who say for your own good that you must dig down to the root of your pain in order to heal. Psychic vampires can come in all kinds of forms and shapes but there are signs that you can learn to discover if you are dealing with a psychic vampire or if you are involved or have been involved in this kind of relationship.

1. Do you notice an increase in arguments or anger around this person? They may not be the one arguing but the one provoking others to argue in a very passive-aggressive manner.

2. Is this person always involved in some kind of drama and insisting on constantly ranting and raving about how awful this or that person is or how difficult life is and then is the clincher – it is always someone else’s fault?

3. When you try to end a relationship with this person do they make your life a living hell?

4. When a relationship is ended with this person whether you chose to leave or they left you are you obsessed about being back with the person even though it might have even been an abusive relationship?

5. Do you find that energy level has decreased as a result of an interaction with this person to the point of feeling flat or depressed?

6. When you have a simple conversation with this person is there always something said that makes you feel a sense of anger rising up inside you and for the life of you, you cannot figure out why?

7. Does this person deliberately keep doing things that you have told them bothers you just to see your reaction?

It is very difficult to accept that one has been tricked into a relationship with a person who has a black hole where his or her heart and soul should exist. The psychic vampire would be shocked if confronted with the very idea that he or she was a user and what I call a “trauma queen.” In fact, confronting them will do you no good at all. All it will do is again feed their need for energy be it negative or positive.

All of us need to receive positive energy from another person. What makes the difference between the psychic vampire and a normal person is that with the normal person the energy is reciprocal. The psychic vampire draws energy only to self and can never receive enough – enough love, enough hate, enough praise, enough attention. Healthy love is a giving and a taking of energies.

You can learn to clear psychic vampires out of your life. You can let go of those addictive and destructive relationships that ruin your joy and happiness. If you cannot stop obsessing over a relationship that has ended, instead of asking your counselor over and over again, will he or she come back, ask how can I recapture my power that was taken from me by this person?

End Note: If you are an empath or sensitive you will be more vulnerable to this kind of negative energy destroying your sense of harmony and balance.

A marriage of inconvenience

Not since I was a teenager did I fall for the illusion of love to happen. I was content going along with life and letting the thoughts of romance sort of stay in the background of consciousness. After all that is for younger people. After a fairly long marriage of inconvenience, I was pretty much closed off to the thought that I would find happiness. In fact, I never considered love and marriage to be particularly important partners in the dance of life. In fact, I really thought of marriage as a contract but not particularly something one would expect to be sizzling.



If one were to ask me now, why I had gotten married in the first place about my current situation I would be hard pressed to explain my actions. I guess it was easier to be married than be alone. I guess it was a good way to shock people by doing the unexpected and marrying someone 22 years younger than me. I have always gone against the grain of society so to me it was simply a way to say hey if my father could marry a woman 18 years his junior than I could marry a man 22. Maybe it was my way of handling my mid-life crisis. Talk about confusing love with being eccentric. This was just a little bit over the edge and I often felt myself dangling from a cliff. I felt if I let go I would go crashing to the ground and be another failure.



In a marriage, I don’t expect much but I do demand comfort and respect. And at my age, I didn’t expect passion but I think that was the age differences. I would joke and say I married a younger man so I could train him like I wanted. I finally have realized he is totally un-trainable. However, at my age I didn’t think that I would have much of a chance of finding anything better in my life. So I limped along in my relationship tolerating more than I ever would have tolerated when I was younger. After all who would want an older woman who was basically falling apart as a companion? Leaving would mean I would be alone.



Then I thought: Is it better to be lonely with someone or to be lonely by myself?



I don’t know what exactly caused me to change my mind. I don’t know when I began to think that possibly life could be better. I know that my health will not improve significantly. I know that my body will not go back to a different time. Oh, I could lose weight or maybe lower my cholesterol and even get over my anxiety through the help of my doctor. But let’s face it, I am over the hill. I am closer to my death than to my birth.



I just want to be content. I just want to laugh once again. I just want my life to have a sense of order rather than chaos. I guess that in some ways I just want to be left alone if someone is not going to make my life better.